Yesterday, I penned a post that was supposed to be published as an explanation of what New Year’s Eve means to me. This morning, I erased it.
For as long as I can remember, New Year’s Eve has been surrounded in a glimmer of sadness, and I spent a lot of time this week mentally deconstructing why that was. I thought the sadness revolved around how New Year’s marks the passage of time, another year spent and lost, something unkind to many people with cystic fibrosis. But when I woke up this morning, my body was sore from poorly dancing to Justin Bieber, and my lungs were crying for medication to ease the effects of laughing and conversation that occurred last night, and I knew in my heart, I had solved the mystery.
New Year’s Eve has a gloomy connotation in my mind because I live a life that is rooted in nostalgia. I am lucky to have lived 2015 in a way that makes me want to relive it all over again, not the numerical value of the year but the moments. I want to experience every instance of joy, the times that brought me to my knees in despair, the victory, the difficulty- I want to experience it exactly how it was once more. Of course, I would resolve the moments I unintentionally hurt someone, or the times I spoke of negativity and replace those with actions more deserving. But reliving 2015 would eternally engrave it into my mind, and I could soak up every last drop of a year more beautiful than I could have imagined it.
Alas, we know it is impossible to relive a year already faded away and this is the origin of my nostalgic sadness as the clock strikes midnight, the confetti flies, and I smooch the faces around me.
In comparison, the joy of New Year’s Day is the reality that 365 days, sometimes 366, await to be filled with better memories, better health, and better minds. There is such goodness in possibility, and I am grateful to receive the tender gift of time. Time that I will fill with hands in mine and growth towards a perspective of contentment, grace, and relativity. Farewell, 2015 and welcome to my friend, 2016!
I hope 2016 is a year filled with kindness, progress, and understanding for all. Happy New Year’s Day!
This year’s resolutions include:
a. Carry more cash to be given away to people in need, charities in need, and opportunities that present themselves in the most ordinary of days.
b. Be mindful of 2016’s word: bloom. Allow the Lord to flourish friendships, opportunities, and health this year. Use this perspective to influence the simplest and hardest of days.
bloom: a flourishing, healthy condition; the time or period of greatest beauty, artistry, etc.